Monogamy

Okay so I'm newly married right? All single people are now thinking "Oh my gosh you are so lucky, you're life must be absolutely perfect now. I'm so jealousssssss!"

Well, newsflash guys, getting married does not instantly complete your life!!

Its actually quite difficult.

Marriage does bring a great amount of fulfillment. You've met the person you're going to be with forever! You are with the one you love all the time, you get to have a partner in all of your decisions, you get to have sex whenever you want, you don't have to worry about the stupid insecurities of the dating world..... Its all so wonderful and new and beautiful. But its not all cake. 

I know you probably think I'm about to say how marriage can be hard sometimes blah blah blah because you have to overcome all your differences with your spouse and become a team. Well all that is true too, but you've heard it, and you're at least somewhat expecting it. But what most people don't tell you is....

{Okay break. I am going about this blog writing as if I am NOT the ONLY person who feels this way, but... Maybe I am!! I doubt it, but maybe.}

So anyway, what most people don't tell you is that marriage is like taking a tiny cute baby monkey, putting it on the train tracks of your life, and when the conductor sees it they try to pull the emergency break so they don't kill it....

Wow, I really don't know where that was going.... It started to get scary so I stopped. But this is so hard to explain! I'll just quit the babble and tell you how I feel.

I don't feel as if my days are full of life anymore. Each day is just basking in the ease of married life, a stable job, a nice apartment, a loving husband... I know, poor me right? But when you're single, you are constantly putting yourself out of your comfort zone; talking to new people, going to parties and dances, dating and flirting... and its FUN.

Not only that but being in school where exciting things happen, man I miss that. In school you are always talking to people you don't know, experiencing and learning new things. You have a powerful feeling of freedom when you're single that is its own force, encouraging you to have hobbies and independence.

The marriage force is completely the opposite. Marriage screams calm, easy, peaceful... "Don't do anything new Brittany, you need more sleep, you need to cook for your husband, you need to be at home taking care of yourself, your husband, your dog, your duties. You need to be complacent and dull and just wait for life to come to you." And you just sink right into that cushy sentiment and obey.

Life gets slow, life gets easy, life gets monotonous. Then, if you're like me, you have to smack yourself sometimes wondering what the heck you're doing today! Oh probably napping again, that's good enough isn't it? {The slap obviously was not hard enough.}

I know this is all probably temporary. I tend to only see what's right in front of me sometimes, but I know I'm starting nursing school in a month and life will be stressful. I will again have a busier life with more deadlines and goals to reach and people to meet.

I also know how difficult it has been for me to adjust my independence into a healthy form of dependence in my marriage, I swing back and forth between extremes, most days settling on co-dependency (bad). I just hope and pray that I will be able to meet some people, make some friends, pursue some hobbies, and find the balance that will make me the happiest and help my marriage the most.

I guess we are always growing and this is a changing point in my life in every way. My body is changing again, my values are reaffirming and strengthening... essentially my whole personality is changing. And that, my friends, is hard.

All because I chose to say "I do".

So before you say it too, make yourself some goals of what you will accomplish in that first year of marriage to prevent the stagnation that can come to the rest of your life when you get into the peace of monogamy.

Britter OUT.