When I was a kid I always hated playing hide and go seek, I also hated tag. Maybe I wasn't a normal kid, but that's probably because I was too busy playing with my Barbies under the trampoline. ANYWAY that's not really the point. The point is, I'm not good at it and as a result, happiness often wins at this game.
Its so weird because I can go months being blissfully happy doing all the things that I know will bring me happiness. But then suddenly... I will turn around and its gone. Its not like it just disappears, but its like I get so caught up in all the excitement that I forget to continue doing those things that make me happy. In fact, this forgetfulness happens so frequently that I made a list of the things that make me the happiest so that when it hits me that I'm not happy anymore I can use it as sort of a checklist. The retarded thing is, it is SO much more difficult to attain happiness all over again than it would be to retain it... but I guess I just haven't learned how yet.
So here's my list....
Stand up for myself.
Stay close to the Spirit.
Have a hobby.
Serve.
Stay true to my values.
Learn new things.
Exercise regularly.
Spend time with family.
Work hard.
Be outside.
At the moment I honestly can't check off many of these things as "done".
So then the question arises... then what the hell are you doing?? Um not so sure. I guess I've been spending my time lounging around, screwing around, and ignoring reality. Which honestly I don't think there is anything wrong with doing those things, but when they consist of my daily life, its enjoyable on the surface but it starts to wear me down!
I think it has something to do with how I was raised. Cause I know some people are totally fine with living their life that way, but for me... I was raised to constantly be improving myself, to accomplish something everyday, to always be working towards a goal. So I don't really get it when people don't live the same way!!! AH! Its good for me to relax, but it consumes me!
WOW I can feel this going into a further rant about things and people that I am frustrated with so I think I will continue this in a private post.
Anyway... Ciao!!
Britter OUT.
